So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
