Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize