No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
