Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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