im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
