woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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