Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
