You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
