Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
