yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
