There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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