4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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