Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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