i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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