he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
