Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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