Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
