**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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