Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
