Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
