No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Houston, we have a blender
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
