i permit you to call me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
