You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
