Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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