I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
