what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
