i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
