3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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