And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
