When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize