you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
