he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
