Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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