Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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