i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
