dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
