i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Randomize
