Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
