This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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