I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
