margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
