did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
