mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
