so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
