I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
