Umm I'm too high to move.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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