someone owes me an orgasm
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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