Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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