I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
