remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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