Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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