Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
