I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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