today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
