Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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