Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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