i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
