Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
