One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
