im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
