Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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