If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
