Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
