Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
soo... how was my night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
