Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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