I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
