My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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