Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
