Moan for me like Helen Keller
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
