I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
