I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize