Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
