he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
