Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
