Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
