HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
