The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize