I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
