i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
